Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My Aunt Irene has what doctors call Internet Addiction Disorder, which is compounded by an aggressive form of Relational Googleitis—an inability to stop Googling everybody she ever met. In spite of her lug of a husband, she wants to believe her life is better than most of the people she knows, including […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing GuruThe largest bubble ever blown was 23 inches in diameter.Record set on July 19, 1994 Susan Montgomery Willams, Fresno California Ever since that great California ad man, Gary Dahl, invented the Pet Rock in 1975, we’ve been looking for the next big thing. Well, I just found it. It’s called the GUMvelope. I just love […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My mom is a big fan of Henry Deutschendorf, also known as the late John Denver, who she believed was almost as talented as Barry Alan Pincus or Cherilyn Sarkisian, who you’d probably recognize as Barry Manilow or Cher. Musical tastes aside, Mom believed you kept the name you were given—which is […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru I suppose because of our extensive marketing background, it is no surprise that my entire family comes from a long line of inventors. Of course, with the exception of the Snorkel Box, none of our inventions have come close to seeing light outside of our basements, attics or, in the case of […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My great, great grandfather Clayton Winston was very much like William Shakespeare. Not that he could write, but that he died on the same day he was born. He lived a long and productive life, so I suppose it was poetic that he met his maker during his own birthday party, during […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Every St. Patrick’s Day, my friend Eduardo Jose-Luis Dominguez puts on his lime green suit and celebrates the heritage he knows nothing about. And every year, he inevitably gets asked the same question: where did you get that suit? I suppose it’s human nature. If we like something someone else has, we […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Let me tell you something about my side of the family…we’re not especially handsome people. And you wouldn’t be out of line if you said we were downright homely. I mean we certainly have our moments, given the right lighting and the proper stretch pants, but let’s face it, we’re ordinary at […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My wife is a sticky note addict. They are all over the house. On the toilet seat—close it. In the shower—squeegee it. On the TV—turn it off. On the kitchen trash—take it out. On the dishes—wash them. On the dog—feed it. I am scared to think how much she has spent on […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru When it comes to the Rubik’s Cube…there is only 1 correct answer and 43 quintillion wrong ones. Quintillion…as in 43,252,003,274,489,856,000. And I thought Scrabble was humbling. Of course, my Uncle Marty says he’s successfully solved the algorithm four times, but then he was always alone, so we believe him about as much […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru In 1957, my Uncle Marty invented the beer cap suction cup so his friend Wayne could enjoy his daily twelve-pack, while he recuperated from the two broken arms he incurred while falling off the high beam. Of course, as family history would tell it, Uncle Marty’s invention was later bootlegged by his […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru We all know that the number one fear in America is not death, heights, going to the dentist or even spending an hour with Joan Rivers. It’s speaking in public. I’ve tried myself to overcome the fear—breathing exercises, yoga, hypnotherapy and even a brief foray into Colonics, which is just a quaint […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Let me just come right out and say it. Clark Gable had breath that could kill a yak. I’m talking breath that was so horrible Vivien Leigh could barely kiss him in Gone With the Wind. Truth be told, Scarlett was the one who didn’t give a damn—she just wanted to get […]
